he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
