I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
