i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
