Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
