Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
