Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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