We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
