why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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