it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
