a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize