My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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