i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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