goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
