So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
