so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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