Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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