i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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