i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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