The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
