Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
