He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think a kid would responsible me up
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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