Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
