My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
