Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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