I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
