Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
