you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
