One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize