miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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