so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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