Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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