I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
