Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
