Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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