So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
