Are we in a gay sports bar?
there's paper in my vomit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
