I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
