I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
