Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
