I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize