it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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