u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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