Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
