Umm I'm too high to move.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
