textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
false alarm. still invincible.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Randomize
