the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hippo gnu deer
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
