He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
