what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
