Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
