You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
