i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
