I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
