this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
