Texts From Last Night

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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.

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  (712): Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood. http://tfl.nu/9bbv
  Replies (10) Good night (1688) Bad night (646)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me

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  (773): i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me http://tfl.nu/svmp
  Replies (37) Good night (878) Bad night (3121)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it

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  (904): If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it http://tfl.nu/oeec
  Replies (19) Good night (4028) Bad night (672)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (52) Good night (37626) Bad night (2048)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

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  (847): I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore. http://tfl.nu/qnk6
  Replies (32) Good night (1096) Bad night (4926)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.

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  (386): Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go. http://tfl.nu/vo4f
  Replies (11) Good night (865) Bad night (3297)
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  (914): View more from New York

  My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.

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  (914): My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off. http://tfl.nu/9ogm
  Replies (11) Good night (1946) Bad night (4227)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.

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  (801): He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick. http://tfl.nu/gyi3
  Replies (38) Good night (1172) Bad night (4757)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.

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  (814): I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card. http://tfl.nu/bhqn
  Replies (2) Good night (1319) Bad night (581)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.

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  (248): I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom. http://tfl.nu/9ssn
  Replies (3) Good night (1109) Bad night (601)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?

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  (610): alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair? http://tfl.nu/af29
  Replies (6) Good night (1408) Bad night (563)
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  (881): View more from

  I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.

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  (881): I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull. http://tfl.nu/l3jf
  Replies (33) Good night (1495) Bad night (612)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?

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  (610): My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date? http://tfl.nu/n22z
  Replies (1) Good night (598) Bad night (434)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  To be fair I was thirsty

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"

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  (780): You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar (1-780): To be fair I was thirsty (780): When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!" http://tfl.nu/ztbw
  Replies (1) Good night (883) Bad night (430)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You get 5 min

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.

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  (734): You get 5 min (586): Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative. http://tfl.nu/1qfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1274) Bad night (455)

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