Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
