I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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