The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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