i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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