genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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