Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
