I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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